Last month, I tried to create a twitter account devoted to following people that focus on mindfulness, philosophy, and self-care. As I was scrolling through thousands of accounts, I noticed that many are dedicated to giving advice to their followers. What was particularly noteworthy is that accounts of all sizes (from a few followers to tens of thousands) will post something as generic as “be kind to others” with an inspirational photo of a person handing out food to the poor. These posts can receive thousands of likes, shares, and comments as if every one of us is not already aware that being kind is a good thing.
While these types of posts may serve as positive uplifting reminders, in the scope of real life (not social media influence) they create nearly zero actual change and provide very little value. In fact, it seems like the purpose of these accounts is actually to allow readers to feel like they are a part of something positive without giving anything up, or putting in any real effort. What we really need is to understand how to create positive change in our lives by asking the right questions and determining how an answer can be used to shape our views, opinions, and decisions. Why should we be kind? When? To whom? What is the context for these questions?
As humans, with all of our inherent flaws, we are not beings with a proven track record of correctly identifying this underlying context, which will typically result in bad advice; in our society of instant gratification and one-liner motivational phrases, this bad advice typically falls into one of three categories:
- Advice that does not accurately apply to a specific audience
- Advice that has devolved into something so arbitrarily generic that it has no value
- Anecdotal advice that does not align with our worldview, experiences, or goals
As a society, we have become obsessed with aesthetic to the point that we prefer something with almost no value that looks good, over something a bit messier, but the possibility to truly influence life in a meaningful way, and it’s not just advice. A more obvious example is advertising. The entire ad industry is built around the exploitation of this particular aspect of human behavior. Instagram ads for shoddy products bring in millions of customers through the use of beautiful pictures of pretty people in unique locations. We fall gullible to the quick assumption that something so simple and appealing will enhance our life, rather than spend the 30 minutes required to research the best product for our specific and sometimes unique needs.
Advice is no different. The modern population feeds on the hope that better times, more money, an easier life, and fewer problems are all a simple step away. We have become so familiar with this world where everything promises a quick fix, an instant change, or cheap wisdom to solve our problems. In most cases, we are lying to ourselves that whatever it is we desire does not require hard work, self-sacrificing, or anything beyond the click of a button. The root issue is our false belief that we already know how to solve our problems; we just need a small push, some quick motivation, or a witty picture to help us remember. “I’m going to get healthy, I just need to order this special diet supplement first”. “I just need someone to reach out and I won’t be lonely anymore”. There are numerous examples of how we pretend that we are limited by something outside of our control, and we just need advice to teach us the right “trick” to solving our problems.
The truth is a bit more involved. In many cases we actually do know how to change or improve, but we are afraid of admitting to ourselves what it will cost. Nearly everything worthwhile in life uses the same currency: time. Learning a language, personal health, education, and making friends are a few examples. Each takes a monumental amount of time (and effort) to make a reality, and the fact is that even 100 years of life on earth is not enough to do it all and do the things we enjoy. We have to make strategic decisions to get the most out of our one shot at life. Sometimes, we honestly don’t know how to solve our problems. Marital issues, mental health, and money struggles are all things that we as collective humanity still have no straightforward answers to, even after thousands of years and billions of lives. In some instances, this is because there is no answer that is “right”, only different ways to make the best out of our unique situations. In other cases, it’s because finding an answer (e.g. receiving advice from others) requires a great understanding of the underlying context of the problems. Why am I unhappy? Why is my marriage falling apart? What do I need to do to make more money? These are a sample of the complexity and vastness of near infinite context for our struggles.
So, what should we turn to in lieu of bad advice? While there is no singular answer, we can look at the truths that persist through history to help guide our decision. What we need, at the most basic level, is a place where we can think for ourselves, and a guide that helps foster the right environment and avoid distractions from our goals. With both, we can begin to unravel our unique context and better determine the right path to follow. We can begin to put our faith in our inherent ability to make good decisions for ourselves, and trust that we have the strength to recover from inevitable missteps.
In modern society, personal guides are often professionals with licenses, education, training, and experience. While some people are adverse to the idea of using a therapist, these individuals are actually just guides for us to solve our own problems. For others, a useful guide may be a close friend, church leader, yogi, or coach. The important thing is that we do not accept advice from others as truth; rather, we see the advice as it applies to us as unique individuals, and use it to discover our own answers.
If this all seems a bit obvious, or you want to follow your own path by continuing to seek out advice from popular sources, that’s okay. The goal isn’t to change the way we do things, but to change the way we think about it. All of us are incredibly smart beings with the power to face our problems and come up with effective solutions. All we need is to believe that we have this power, and work to exercise it in our own way.
Thanks for reading.
